This week, we host James Whittaker, entrepreneur and bestselling author of Think and Grow Rich: The Legacy and Andrew Carnegie’s Mental Dynamite. James turned his struggle with anxiety into a journey of self-discovery and success. James highlights his ‘WIN method’ — Wonder, Intent, Nurture — as a framework for purposeful living and defining success on a personal basis. Emphasizing self-awareness and resilience, James aligns perfectly with SuperAge’s vision of meaningful growth.
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Key Moments
“It’s better to be green and growing than ripe and rotting. Like, just because you’ve had a few wins and adventures in your past doesn’t mean that you need to hang up your hat.”
“The longer we’re in an environment where we’re by ourselves, that’s where this stuff gets really, really dangerous because we simply lose track of what’s possible. So we retreat to autopilot, which works on the condition that you’re very intentional with it. If you’re not intentional and you don’t have a process of getting around really high-level thinkers on a consistent basis, then you need to be conscious that that autopilot is going to eventually work against you.”
“It’s really important to think about what season of life you’re in and what is the metric for you to determine whether or not you’re making the right progress. And sometimes just simply being on the right journey is enough. It doesn’t matter about some of these other things that may or may not have manifested; just simply being on the right path and being aware of what’s around you and putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that the universe is working for you.”
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Transcript
00:00:03:12 – 00:00:04:23
David
Hey, James. How are you doing today?
00:00:05:00 – 00:00:08:04
James
I’m great. Thanks, Dave. Thanks so much for having me on. How are you doing?
00:00:08:06 – 00:00:15:23
David
Oh, I’m doing great. I was up doing my master’s ski racing program and, oh, my glutes are killing me.
00:00:16:01 – 00:00:21:11
James
I did a heavy squat session yesterday so I can feel it in my lower body as well. So interesting times.
00:00:21:12 – 00:00:24:18
David
Right on. James, tell us a little bit about yourself.
00:00:24:20 – 00:00:52:18
James
So I grew up in Brisbane, Australia, so I live in Los Angeles, California now and growing up in Brisbane, you know, it was a beautiful place. I had a good family. My father became a successful financial or personal finance guy when I was in high school. So as his profile started to take off, that’s where instinctively I started sort of benchmarking and comparing his success to where I was at and that led to this really debilitating anxiety disorder.
00:00:52:19 – 00:01:25:09
James
For me, it was just a very difficult position to be in at that time when we’re very vulnerable and we just naturally and instinctively compare ourselves to other people, which of course is a horrible thing to do, especially at that age when you haven’t done the reps that someone else has done to achieve that success. And I reached a point where I could get through it if I simply decided not to care, which again is a horrible way to to go through life because you settling for what life gives you rather than living with any type of intention until eventually, one day I had a bit of a rock bottom moment and that was where
00:01:25:09 – 00:01:45:04
James
everything changed for me. I basically said that here I am, life you can throw anything you want at me and you never going to faze me ever again. That was at the age of 23, and since that time I’ve been on this journey of turning myself into someone of value and and contribution as much as possible. I’ve been on that journey now for 17 years, and I’m going to do it for the rest of my life.
00:01:45:10 – 00:01:54:05
David
And you have a podcast that you invited me on. Thank you.
00:01:54:07 – 00:02:12:05
James
Well, the whole idea of Win the Day, it actually came when I was reading Thinking Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and there was a passage that stood out to me. It said that the poverty conscience will automatically overtake any mind that is not preoccupied with being success conscious. And I thought, Wow, that’s a really interesting way to look at it.
00:02:12:05 – 00:02:31:03
James
In the way that I interpret interpreted that is that each day if we do not make the decision to win, we have automat. We made the decision to lose. So I launched this podcast called Win the Day because I wanted to be able to share some of the things that I had learned from the three books that I’d written and all the research that I’d done with that.
00:02:31:07 – 00:02:53:03
James
Hundreds, hundreds of people that I’ve interviewed for various projects over the years, I wanted to share that information to help other people raise their ideas of what’s possible and give them a blueprint to be able to take that action every single day. So that’s what win the Day means to me. I’ve been at it now for almost five years, almost 200 episodes released.
00:02:53:03 – 00:03:13:05
James
We’ve had incredible guests like yourself. We’ve had number one, New York Times bestselling authors, Special Forces operators, Olympic gold medalist, billion dollar founders, people who don’t have a big public profile but have incredible stories. Just about everyone you can think of in between. So it’s been an amazing journey and it’s led to a lot of opportunities and connections for me to wow.
00:03:13:06 – 00:03:15:20
David
What have you learned from this so much?
00:03:15:20 – 00:03:39:04
James
You know, some of the biggest ones about how to structure your day in terms of productivity. So I’ve sort of put together what I call the win method, which I can go through in a little bit more detail shortly. But one of the biggest epiphanies for me was when I interviewed a guy called John Lee Dumas, who has a podcast called Entrepreneur is on Fire, and he talks about this idea of making sure you do your most important work first before you do someone else’s agenda for your time.
00:03:39:06 – 00:03:55:12
James
And what I was doing at that point is I would wake up and I would do emails because I would want the feeling of achievement. I would be picking the low hanging fruit and that’s not moving my big goals forward. And it means that when I have that creative time, I’m wasting it doing someone else’s agenda for my day.
00:03:55:14 – 00:04:23:07
James
So instead what I did is I thought about when are those two or three most creative hours that I have in my day and what am I doing to advance my own goals? The big things that what I want to achieve, What am I doing to move those forward? And then I can do the rest on autopilot. That was one of the biggest epiphanies for me in terms of productivity and has enabled me to just really have a much greater output every single day compared to what other people can do and compared to what I used to do.
00:04:23:09 – 00:04:38:00
James
And I’ve also taken all of these different things that I’ve learned now from interviewing you know, more than 500, more than 600 people. I think it is at this point for various projects, because I’m always I’m asking this not just for the audience, I’m asking this for me, like when I’ve got you. Sit down, Dave. I’m like, Cool.
00:04:38:00 – 00:04:53:13
James
What are all the amazing things that you have learned? What are the questions that I have for you? And as you review all the content for your podcast and you’re putting it out there on social media, it just makes you so smart and so much more aware in these different areas in terms of your own education, which is really, really valuable.
00:04:53:15 – 00:05:12:12
James
And I created the wind method. I’ll give you a bit of a surface level overview of that and we can dive into it in as much detail as you like, if you like a bit later, but wind is an acronym W i and so the W stands for Wonder. You must be intensely curious about how great you can be from the one extraordinary life you have been given.
00:05:12:18 – 00:05:34:01
James
And you must have a vision much bigger than yourself, pulling you out of bed each day, connecting with that one. So that’s really, really important. So that’s a W and the AI is intent, that is your commitment to a course of actions every single day. It’s things like your daily routines and habits. It’s the people you hang around, it’s your environment, all of those different things.
00:05:34:06 – 00:06:00:11
James
So that’s the AI intent. And the final one is and which is nurture. And that’s how willingly you put yourself into uncomfortable situations and it’s how you respond to adversity when it inevitably strikes. So that’s a bit of an overview of the win method. And in every single situation, if people just feel like they’re not living with purpose or they’re not living with passion, they can look at the win method and find out what they need to tweak to start getting back on track.
00:06:00:12 – 00:06:17:03
David
It’s interesting this idea of how to structure your day time wise. I find that is part of what I do here. I have to do actually a lot of writing. I have a lot of like think and write stuff and sometimes I can kind of do it on demand, but sometimes not. So what I do is sort of the opposite of what you do.
00:06:17:09 – 00:06:32:23
David
So I answer my emails because it sort of gets the flywheel going. It’s like, okay, now I’m doing something like the inertia gets going and then I’ll I’ll answer a few or I’ll do something like, I really enjoy working with visual thing. So we’ll work on next week’s cover because, okay, that’s easier for me and I get stuff going.
00:06:33:00 – 00:06:42:18
David
Then it’s like, okay, now I can write this piece. Like now I’m sort of mentally lumbered up and I can do it. That’s, that’s really important.
00:06:42:18 – 00:07:00:09
James
Dave And I actually do that as well. So I’ve been doing a daily journal now I do it on my phone for about 865 days now. I’ve done this consecutively. It’s not a small journal. Generally write about three 400 words in there about what’s unique about the last 24 hours. What three things will I do to make today a win?
00:07:00:09 – 00:07:17:07
James
What am I feeling gratitude for rather than what am I thinking? Gratitude for? What is a lesson that I want to learn? What photos of I captured? You know, I’ve got young kids. It’s important to make sure I have those memories. And now I’m looking back at previous days to what was I doing on that year, one year ago and two years ago.
00:07:17:07 – 00:07:32:22
James
And it’s fascinating to see where your energy and your attention was going and where it is today relative to those journeys that you have been on. But that to me is the time I have to do that as well as a as a write out. You know, I’ve written three bestselling books. I have another book that I’m writing now.
00:07:33:02 – 00:07:50:22
James
My goal for me is not to go and do amazing writing. My goal is to get to the computer because I know that inevitably the words will come if I have the discipline to stand there. But it can’t be the first words that I’ve written for the day. I need to make sure I do my journal time, which is where I also have some sunshine and a coffee and I sit in my backyard.
00:07:50:22 – 00:08:09:00
James
It’s a nice, beautiful spot where the morning sun comes and it means that I am then ready to attack the real creative writing. When I when I sit down and I’ve interviewed a lot of people who use things like the oddest way where a stream of conscious thoughts, people who do digital versus paper and vice versa, like there’s so many different ways to do that.
00:08:09:02 – 00:08:23:12
James
But I do really see value in some type of creative outlet without any mechanism in terms of you judging or critiquing what you have put out there. And that frees you up to do some really high value creative work afterwards.
00:08:23:17 – 00:08:47:21
David
You mentioned earlier on in our conversation about what is possible, and this is one of the things that we talk a lot about here and my personal feeling is we’re all, myself included, limited by our imagination of what’s possible. What have you heard from people, all these amazing people you’ve spoken to, What have you learned on that subject about expanding one’s imagination, about what’s possible?
00:08:47:23 – 00:09:14:16
James
The longer we’re in an environment where we’re by our self, that’s where this stuff gets really, really dangerous because we simply don’t have an idea of what’s possible. So we retreat to autopilot and autopilot, you know, on the condition that you’re very intentional with it. If you’re not intentional with it and you don’t have a process of getting around really high level thinkers on a consistent basis, then you need to be conscious of that autopilot is going to eventually work against you.
00:09:14:22 – 00:09:33:14
James
Now, a lot of people talk about the power of consistency, and consistency is very, very important. But I never talk about consistency without also adding in what I call the plus growth metric need to have consistency plus growth. What am I doing to learn at every single one of these things that I’m doing? What am I doing to level up and and get better in every way?
00:09:33:20 – 00:09:48:11
James
And there have been times in my life when I’ve just I’ve been working as a bit of a you know, I’ve been working in my own office and then I’ll go and have lunch or a coffee with someone like our mutual friend Dr. Michael Bruce, and he’ll tell me about his mailing list of 4 million people. And I’m like, Wow, cool.
00:09:48:11 – 00:10:05:05
James
That’s amazing. That’s a big a big goal then. So how can I get 4 million people on my mailing list? He tells me how he did it. All of a sudden, it completely changes my belief in what’s possible, and I have that extra motivation as well as a detailed plan of how I can get to that in a linear and sequential manner.
00:10:05:07 – 00:10:26:08
James
So in every one of those instances, just getting out of your comfort zone to enter a new environment that calls forth your best, which of course comes from feeling a little bit or a lot uncomfortable and then finding some really interesting people who have been able to achieve some really cool things well outside what you believe is a comfort zone for you and really capacity for you.
00:10:26:11 – 00:10:29:17
James
And I think you will be inspired to interpret that in your own way.
00:10:29:19 – 00:10:51:09
David
I agree with you 100%. I think that real information comes from the outside. I think I mean, I guess there are people like, you know, sit in caves and like, you know, they can do that. But I once had a mental health professional in a social setting, explained to me that we all as individuals have three core self delusions.
00:10:51:11 – 00:11:21:15
David
And because they are core and they are delusions, it’s like impossible for us. We can’t on on our own effort, our own volition. We can’t see these and imagine anything other than than where we’re at around these delusions. And the only way you get around that is you have somebody say to you, Oh, well, actually, you may think you’re purple, but you’re not, or what are going to crazy thing is going on in your head that we need these sort of outside influences, you know, like, oh, 4 million meaningless.
00:11:21:15 – 00:11:44:00
David
Well, that’s I thought that was impossible. I guess that’s not impossible. Maybe I could do that. Or maybe, you know, what I find actually really powerful is when someone tells you something not so much around, like achievement things, but about these, like, core delusions, they’ll say like, Well, actually, you’re not like that. Yeah, you may think you are okay, but you’re not.
00:11:44:02 – 00:11:44:21
David
Absolutely.
00:11:44:21 – 00:12:00:17
James
And I mean, what’s the identity that you’re associating yourself with? Like, there are things I do in the morning as part of my own daily routine. Things like cold showers every single day. I never really look forward to that. But it’s something that I do because I know it makes me a better person. It sets me up better for the day.
00:12:00:17 – 00:12:17:03
James
It set me up to attack more difficult things throughout the day, like just having a process to get out of your comfort zone on a very regular basis, adding value to people like I’m a big believer in sending audio messages to people just once a day. Just check in with someone different to say, Hey Dave, I was just thinking of you.
00:12:17:07 – 00:12:37:20
James
I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your contribution and everything that you’ve done for me over the years. Just send me an audio message back to tell me a little bit about what you’re up to. And of course, if there’s anything that I can do to help, if you can do that every single day, you know, I say 300, 350 days out of the year, you will get an unbelievable amount of opportunity and inspiration back to you.
00:12:38:00 – 00:12:40:11
James
And people so rarely do that.
00:12:40:13 – 00:12:51:14
David
Yes, we need to take actions. Yes, right. It’s all it’s all fine to think these things, but nothing really happens unless one actually does something for sure.
00:12:51:14 – 00:13:10:23
James
You know, I have a client of mine who’s got a TED talk. It’s, you know, she’s crushing it. She’s got like 350,000 views on this amazing TED talk. She’s in her early twenties and she rang me the other day. She was almost in tears having a in a very difficult headspace because the metric of success that she had put on was not relevant for the season that she was in.
00:13:11:01 – 00:13:38:10
James
So I think for everyone listening to you and I, it’s really important to think about what season of life you’re in and what is the metric for you to determine whether or not you’re making the right progress. And sometimes just simply being on the right journey is enough. It doesn’t matter about some of these other things that may or may not have manifested, just simply being on the right path and being aware of what’s around you and putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that the universe is working for you.
00:13:38:13 – 00:13:49:03
James
I mean, these are really important things to do because a lot of this stuff that we’re doing in business and in life, you know, it’s the mindset game is what separates ordinary people from extraordinary achievers.
00:13:49:05 – 00:14:07:14
David
You know, the phrase that comes to mind is being the person you are not the person you were or the person you think you will be. Let’s deal with who you are today. And this is something that, you know, I do this like ridiculous ski raising thing. And I’m 65 also up there on the hill, not in my class, but in other classes.
00:14:07:14 – 00:14:21:12
David
They’re like the 16 year olds on the U.S. junior Olympic team. I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Never will be able to. So I just have to sort of bring it back to what’s my capacity and where am I at today.
00:14:21:14 – 00:14:43:08
James
Yeah, I think was well, when you become a parent, like I’ve got a two year old and a four and a half year old, I’m someone who likes getting out of my comfort zone and doing, you know, doing interesting new, challenging things, whatever that might be. And, you know, I’ve got a whole interesting list of experiences that I’ve done, like, you know, cage diving with great white swimming with tiger sharks and whitewater rafting down the Zambezi River skydiving.
00:14:43:08 – 00:15:08:14
James
I’ve done all of these different things and I’ve loved doing them. But when you become a parent, it makes you acutely aware of your own mortality for the first time. So I think it’s it’s nice for us to have some of those things of like, yeah, of course I want to be responsible and I want to be as healthy as I possibly can, but I don’t want to be here unless I have that adventurous spirit and I’m doing what I can to get the most out of this one life that I’ve been given.
00:15:08:16 – 00:15:36:16
James
Because as you get older, it’s not just your life. You’re here mentoring, leading by example, guiding your children and your grandchildren who are going to see you. Are they going to see someone who is sitting there in a chair complaining about how much pain that they’re in and how difficult their life is or they’re going to be talking about, Wow, I went skydiving on my 60th birthday or I did this amazing thing and how cool that was and what a joy it is to to be alive and what an adventure it is on this one extraordinary life we’ve been given.
00:15:36:19 – 00:16:03:13
David
I think you bring up something really interesting here that as we get older in general, people tend to become more cautious and they tend to want to avoid things that may be uncomfortable and that that could mean anything from an uncomfortable physical experience. An emotional conversation to even a cold shower. Like all of these things, we get sort of programed as we get older to really dial in what’s maximum comfort.
00:16:03:15 – 00:16:30:10
David
But as we do that, you know, our worlds shrink. But then on the other hand, some of my other ski friends who are ex Olympic downhill ers and they do things that to me would be potentially fatal. So, you know, sort of understanding what’s that lane between expanse of adventure, embracing uncomfortability, embracing the possibility of failure, but not death.
00:16:30:10 – 00:16:51:02
James
Wish Yeah, you got to be you got to be smart about it. And I’m a big believer in finding experts in their respective domains and just doing exactly what they tell you. So if there’s something new that you want to try scuba diving tennis like it could be anything, go and find someone who’s really good at that. Let them get you comfortable in that discomfort.
00:16:51:02 – 00:16:57:20
James
So you’ve got a little bit of a guide and a bit of a support there, and then you can have a bit of increasing autonomy once you’ve got that foundation built too.
00:16:57:21 – 00:17:18:10
David
I agree with that 100%. Search out people, whatever you’re thinking about, search out people who really know what they’re doing and have them help you out, whether you want to learn tennis or computer programing or you want to like you, you want to swim with tiger sharks. Okay. Like personally, I’m not jumping off the boat. So many tiger sharks, unless there’s a guy who’s done it every day and tells you it’s okay.
00:17:18:12 – 00:17:38:10
James
Exactly what I say. When I was swimming, it was on the north shore of Hawaii. And there’s a woman, Ocean Ramsey. She’s got the most incredible photos of her just freediving with these great white sharks and everything and where they’re swimming with dozens of Galapagos sharks. And then they all bailed. And Ocean said her name’s Ocean. She said Everett, which is a great name for her occupation.
00:17:38:16 – 00:17:51:22
James
She said everyone back on the boat now. And because I was sort of friends with her, she said that I could stay there, but I had to hold on to the boat. So all the sharks have gone and in the wild, when all the animals flee, that’s a very interesting time, you know that something big has just rocked up.
00:17:52:00 – 00:18:12:00
James
And that was a tiger shark just very slowly creeping along the top of the the surface there. I mean, that was such a cool experience. But she also said if she was surfing and there were big sharks around, that she would leave the lineup because she’s not in a position to be able to monitor their behavior. So having an expert in something as dangerous as that, I never felt like it was dangerous.
00:18:12:00 – 00:18:18:08
James
I felt totally safe the entire time. But I would never go and take a boat out and do that without someone of her expertise.
00:18:18:10 – 00:18:34:11
David
I just want to diverge. I used to surf a lot and the North shore of Hawaii. The first time I went, I asked like, Oh, well, what’s the shark deal? And it was like, Oh, no, shark, shark. But then as you go back and back, you’re like, Oh, yeah, Bob lost his leg. Oh, yeah. That surfboard over there.
00:18:34:11 – 00:18:48:11
David
Yeah. Tiger Or, you know. Oh Bethany. Yeah. She lost her arm like, just like on and oh, yeah, I got bitten. I got dragged to the bottom. Tiger shark. Yeah. I mean, you are, you are not on the top of the food pyramid there. Exactly.
00:18:48:11 – 00:19:05:06
James
Everyone’s always like, hey, you know, when you’re swimming, if you see a shark, just punch it in the nose. You see a great white shark or one of these other sharks in the wild. You will never, ever see it coming all from Australia, you know, the home of of sharks. When I was in South Africa with the great white sharks, this thing has just evolved over millions of years.
00:19:05:09 – 00:19:09:12
James
It’s the same color as the ocean. You’re not going to see it.
00:19:09:14 – 00:19:17:20
David
Yeah. So what are the what are some of the stories that you’ve heard from all these people that you’ve spoken to that really stand out to you?
00:19:17:22 – 00:19:37:10
James
So many? You know, I think one of the biggest themes is that the most important opinion is how you feel about yourself. And there was a woman I interviewed, her name is Janine Shepherd, and she was someone who had qualified for the Winter Olympics in Calgary, and she’s from Australia. So she was in the blue Mountains outside Sydney on a on a bicycle training for for the upcoming Winter Olympics.
00:19:37:12 – 00:19:55:21
James
And she was hit by a truck and she spent, you know, airlifted to hospital ten days in a coma, six months in the spinal ward. She was never supposed to walk again, never supposed to do any of these things again, never supposed to have kids. And she’s got three kids. She can ski, she can bike ride, she can walk while still being classified as a paraplegic.
00:19:55:21 – 00:20:16:07
James
Now, it’s not comfortable for her. She’s not going to go and run a marathon. But she, in the face of this overwhelming doctor evidence, very well-educated people, she said the most important opinion is how I feel about myself. And that was such an important lesson for me, that resilience and how they grown from this and what is the gift in this.
00:20:16:09 – 00:20:37:10
James
So that was a huge one. And she’s become a very close friend of mine apart from that, there have been so many just really cool people that I’ve had the pleasure of being able to meet. You know, there’s been film composers, people from SEAL Team six, you know, the Naval Special Warfare Development Group, some of the most elite trained people on the entire planet.
00:20:37:10 – 00:20:57:12
James
It’s so interesting hearing about what are the people at the absolute pinnacle of their game, what are they doing to prepare? And on the SEAL Team six guys specifically, like we all know the value of failure and how we learn from failure to become a better person and and achieve a greater height down the track. Knowing the lessons that we have from the failure that we went through.
00:20:57:14 – 00:21:24:04
James
But they talk about something better than that. They talk about changing ahead of failure. And I thought that was a really interesting perspective. It’s great to fail, but if you’ve got the right process in place, you should be training a you should be learning ahead of failure as much as possible so you don’t have to go through something like that because the line of work there in failure could mean getting shot or one of their buddies getting shot, you know, hundreds of people into so many valuable lessons.
00:21:24:04 – 00:21:44:07
James
And we spoke a little bit earlier about the importance of having access to that inspiration to raise your own idea of what’s possible. That to me is one of the primary benefits of having a podcast is that on a very regular basis, you get access to some incredible people who really just make you feel good about yourself, give you some ideas of of some cool things that you can be doing.
00:21:44:07 – 00:21:56:23
James
So I’m a huge believer of everyone having a podcast, and I think if you run it the right way, which you do and which I do, it means that you get an ROI from the podcast before anyone else even hears the episode.
00:21:57:04 – 00:22:17:11
David
That’s my favorite thing about doing a podcast is Access People like yourself, amazing people that I can speak to that in my normal life I just hear wouldn’t happen. I want to circle back to this comment you made about It’s like how you feel about yourself. This is a really important thing. It’s something people have often. I don’t know why they ask me dating advice.
00:22:17:11 – 00:22:34:04
David
I don’t know why they would ask me that, but they do. And that’s by far from an authority on that. But I just say like, you know, they’re like, well, this person is like and they describe the other person and, you know, like, these are their attributes or whatever. And I would say like, I don’t really care that none of that really matters.
00:22:34:06 – 00:22:50:17
David
That’s great. You get a some kind of a scorecard. Okay. How do you feel about yourself and you’re around them? That’s the to me, that’s the whole thing. None of the rest of it matters. Like, how do you feel about yourself around the other person? You feel better about yourself or worse about yourself. That’s the that’s the thing to focus on.
00:22:50:19 – 00:23:08:06
James
Yeah, it’s so true. And, you know, people like you and I work with and I imagine everyone who listens to your podcast, we’re very interested in just being the best we can be because the, you know, the better we are, the more value and impact that we can have in other people’s lives. They can see us leading by example so they can start to model their behaviors.
00:23:08:06 – 00:23:31:06
James
Just like you and I have been able to model the behaviors of the people who have served as mentors and coaches for us over the years. So I think for anyone, particularly when it comes to relationships and dating, this idea that I use someone that you would want to be married to or a youth, someone that you would want to date, like don’t be so focused on trying to change someone else’s behavior or changing someone else’s identity.
00:23:31:08 – 00:23:50:21
James
Do the work yourself. And then when that person is ready, you know, again, with two young kids, it’s, you know, you see some of the physiological changes, the the mental changes that a lot of this stuff happens with women when they’re when they’re having kids. I think it’s really important that you need to give that enough time, let someone come up with the decision themselves.
00:23:50:21 – 00:23:59:15
James
Do what you can to provide some supporting parameters, but don’t critique, don’t judge, and certainly don’t expect someone else to do a behavior that you’re not willing to do yourself.
00:23:59:16 – 00:24:18:12
David
Yeah, again, it goes back to let’s try and become the best version of ourselves and the better version of ourselves. We are the better partner we’re going to attract, the more impact we can have in the world. To me, that’s I mean, that’s why I do what I do and that’s what I what I encourage other people to do for sure.
00:24:18:12 – 00:24:39:19
James
And being the best version of yourself means that you obtain perspectives that are not your own. That’s why when it comes to relationship, I believe the number one most important thing is communication. You should not be talking to the other person. You should be asking questions and listening, listening, listening. And only once that person has expended every single bit of energy on what they have to say.
00:24:39:19 – 00:24:59:08
James
And perhaps I need to write something down in an email or a letter to make sure it’s communicated in the right way. And they’ve really thought it through and then you repeat it back to them. Let them know your interpretation of what they have said. Cool. They have cooled themselves emotionally. You know exactly what is bothering them and what role that you have played in that.
00:24:59:12 – 00:25:03:19
James
And that is your opportunity to be able to talk and get the best outcome for both of you.
00:25:03:21 – 00:25:26:12
David
Yes, I oftentimes think I’m doing the right thing and it causes a reaction that’s unexpected. And then there’s a moment of like, Oh, I’m sorry. Help me to understand better. I want I want to do better next time. Maybe I will or maybe I won’t. But I try.
00:25:26:14 – 00:25:45:10
James
First of all, you know, don’t we both? One of the biggest things that I’ve learned actually from the podcast interview, John Gray, he wrote, All the men are from Mars, Women are from Venus books. You know, he sold tens of millions of copies of these books. And he mentioned during our episode, it’s got like 95,000 views on on the full length version of this episode on YouTube, which is huge.
00:25:45:10 – 00:26:11:09
James
It’s still getting thousands of views every single month. And he said that men instinctively want to jump in to solve the problem because that’s what we care about most. And women want to feel hurt. And if we recognize those two roles, it makes communication so much easier. So rather than, you know, I didn’t realize how often I was interrupting my wife to try and solve a problem, even though in many cases she never even wanted me to solve the problem.
00:26:11:09 – 00:26:18:08
James
She just wanted to feel heard. A few little things like that. Wow. It makes a massive difference in your communication style.
00:26:18:10 – 00:26:42:04
David
Makes me crazy. My latest huge faux pas was I thought, okay, I really just need to listen. So she’s talking. She’s talking. I’m listening. I’m not saying anything and not saying anything. And she’s like, You’re not you’re not reacting. And I said, Well, I’m intensely focusing on what you’re saying. She’s like, No, no, no, no. That’s not no, you need to like, react, you need to feedback.
00:26:42:04 – 00:27:01:22
David
So I understand that I’m being heard. And I was like, Oh, right, okay, forgot that part. And you also don’t want me to solve the problem, right? Am I clear on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so this is like, you know, in my, you know, primitive male brain, this is just so hard for sure.
00:27:01:22 – 00:27:22:16
James
It really is. And just along those lines, like, no guy wants to feel nagged, like the typical masculine energy that we, that we have, we respond. You know, for the most part, obviously this is a generalization, but we will respond more to more of, you know, someone who’s closer in their feminine energy instead of like nagging us and and raised voices and emotion.
00:27:22:16 – 00:27:41:00
James
It’s like, let’s do something softer, make it more matter of fact, rather than being like, Hey, you didn’t put your shoes away. That’s pissed me off this many times and doing all of that. So and I mean, when you know, when you’re in a situation in the household, especially with with young kids, you know, tensions can be very high, especially if you’re dealing with with with little sleep.
00:27:41:02 – 00:27:47:06
David
So is your vision of what’s possible, what is your vision look like going forward?
00:27:47:08 – 00:28:11:00
James
Impacting the world was always my big vision. And then when I have when I had kids, it sort of changed its to impacting them and through me impacting them that that would peripherally inspire the world. So, you know, I have some of my own metrics of things that I want to achieve. You know, I want to I have a three year goal of getting 1 billion social media views for my my podcast and content online, where about 42 million views at the moment.
00:28:11:00 – 00:28:36:15
James
So, you know, that’s a nice milestone to to have. But for me it’s really it’s it’s really living in alignment. You know, I take it a day at a time. Communication is a big one. Every year my wife and I sit down and we talk about what are our goals and what’s important to us. And it’s an interesting timing as you enter your forties, because for me it was the very first time that I started thinking about my health and longevity and all the amazing things that you talk about.
00:28:36:15 – 00:28:57:00
James
It’s almost like fate thrusted upon me because I’m a father now and I don’t want to be someone who’s sitting on the couch and not having the function and mobility to be able to play with my kids. So that’s exceptionally important. But I also have an 83 year old father and a 70 year old mother. And just as you bring kids into the world, then the older generation starts dying out.
00:28:57:00 – 00:29:21:13
James
So I’m acutely aware of what I can do to make sure I capture those most valuable memories with my parents and freeing up as much time as I have to be able to spend time with the people who have created the life that I’m able to enjoy today. So I’m thinking about what I can do to usher in the next generation or what can I do to show my gratitude and respect for the people you know, like my parents who paved the way for me.
00:29:21:15 – 00:29:47:14
James
I’m focusing on doing work that just the one thing for the rest of my life, rather than chopping and changing so much, I just want to do one thing, which to me is that when the day movement and becoming the best in the world at it and just simplifying so much about my life, that’s just when you have a situation where you have young kids and you’re very time poor, that simplification is essential and it really heightens the urgency of things like self-care.
00:29:47:16 – 00:30:13:12
James
You have to double down on self-care. I mentioned earlier having writing down what three things will make today when they’re never all related to the same thing for me. One might be about business, one might be about fitness, one might be about family. Because if we take our eyes off that one thing, then yeah, we might have a lot of money in the bank, but we might be in really poor physical shape or you may not have the family, which is what you said that you were working so hard for.
00:30:13:16 – 00:30:20:01
James
So what’s the point? We need to have this good foundation of holistic success, and I think that would be a life well-lived.
00:30:20:03 – 00:30:41:13
David
I absolutely agree with you about the importance of like variation in life and these personal definitions of success. I find a lot of opportunity that running a just and, you know, in this crazy ski racing thing that I do, you know, ripe and rotting doesn’t happen when you’re going really fast on skis for sure.
00:30:41:13 – 00:30:56:13
James
And I think, Dave, a big part of that is you have had a taste of what’s possible like your career when you’re young, you’ve been around the world. It’s a bit like that. Ray Kroc quote, It’s better to be green and growing than ripe and rotting. Like just because you’ve had a few wins and a few adventures in your past doesn’t mean that you need to be raw up and running.
00:30:56:19 – 00:31:02:01
James
Let’s always be green and growing, and that the people that are most attracted to and want to hang out with as well.
00:31:02:03 – 00:31:11:21
David
Yes. Green and growing. I agree 100%. Is there something that you would like to leave our listeners and viewers with today?
00:31:11:23 – 00:31:32:17
James
If you if there’s one thing that you take away from today, this idea of make the decision to win every day or you’ve automatically made the decision to lose, that to me is is the biggest thing. And if you all want an action plan based on who they are, I’ve got win the day quiz dot com. You can just answer a few questions and it will show you which personality profile you are.
00:31:32:21 – 00:31:51:03
James
And in addition to a free win, the day action plan you’ll get, it’s also a free copy of my e-book Six Ways to Win the Day. All that stuff totally for free. It’s going to give you some inspiration from other people. You know, people who are doing some pretty cool things. What’s the one thing that they do to win the day that you can replicate in your own way?
00:31:51:05 – 00:32:08:14
David
Really focusing on what’s that one thing that we can do to win the day? And I and I think it’s important the role that positivity plays in this, because I think that, you know, positive forward motion creates positive energy. Right?
00:32:08:16 – 00:32:28:22
James
Exactly. It’s like positive emotion leads to positive motion. And one of my one of my favorite quotes, actually, two quotes from Napoleon Hill action is the real measure of intelligence. As someone who didn’t you know, I didn’t exactly light the world on fire when I was in high school academically. So someone who was able it was interesting for me that now I have a lot of people who crushed me academically back in the day.
00:32:28:22 – 00:32:43:01
James
They’re the ones coming to me to ask me for advice because of the action that I have taken relative to them, which I think is is really interesting. And the other Napoleon Hill quote I wanted to share was it it doesn’t matter what you know, it matters what you do with what you know.
00:32:43:07 – 00:32:46:19
David
James, you have so many excellent quotes. I just love that.
00:32:46:19 – 00:32:50:07
James
I got course for days. Dave. I love a good quotes.
00:32:50:09 – 00:32:58:11
David
That’s great. Thank you so much. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you for being such an inspiration and thank you for being my friend. I really appreciate it.
00:32:58:13 – 00:33:05:06
James
And thank you, Dave. You’re doing incredible things, too, you know, inspire people all around the world. So super grateful for our friendship. And thanks again for having me on.
